Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
