Just fell off a train. Bad.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize