My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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