You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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