belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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