so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
