I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
