barbara walters just said penis...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
