If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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