shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
