The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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