i just wanna soil my oats bro
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Randomize