Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
