Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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