just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
