He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
