dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
