I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
