Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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