I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
