Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize