I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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