Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My penis needs a shock collar
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
