Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
