I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
