So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
