Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
