am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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