my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
