Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
