Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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