just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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