her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
