I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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