Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
