did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I think I sprained my soul last night
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
