Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
