the new term for farting is butt boxing.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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