Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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