Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
