I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
