i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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