so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The Olympian is in my bed
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
