either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
