Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
