yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
