He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
