2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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