Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
