dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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