you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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