I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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