At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
