Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You work out of a Hotel?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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