i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Randomize
