i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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