I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
