I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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