did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize