Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
