So drunk its hurt
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
sex in a hospital.. check
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
