god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
