Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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