I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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