if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
420 ftw
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
