Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
