She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
