My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
