My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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