yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
