So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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