i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
